And no, I'm not talking about the semester.
I'm talking about the struggle.
The sleepless nights.
Maamaa died around 4am on Wednesday, December 5th, 2012. It's still sinking in.
It hurts...a lot. It was almost crippling to not be there with my family while she was in the hospital, and now that she's gone...I want to be home more than ever.
Yesterday was one of the longest days of this last week. I (thankfully!) got ten hours of sleep the night before. If I hadn't...I would not have made it through the next day! Mom called me at 8:30am and said "I have some news for you."
"I'm not gonna like this news am I?" I asked.
"Maamaa had a ticket she decided to cash in last night and went to be with Jesus in heaven."
I was right. I didn't like it. At all. Nuh uh.
So I went and cried in the shower. Bawled, actually. Got snot all over my towel. (Okay, not really.) I took a long shower...long showers are good...
Then it was 9:30am. I grabbed my stuff and went to the PPAC (music building). I didn't want to go to LDR class. I wasn't presentable. I wasn't focused. I wasn't anything really. I tried to practice some, but was really killing time until my violin professor was free so I could tell him that it was over.
"Hey, what's up?" Prof. Thompson asked me as I entered his office, red-faced with puffy eyes.
I stood there for a moment, trying to collect myself. Finally, I choked out, "My mom called."
He knew exactly what I meant. His face softened. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" He said, standing up. He moved toward me and gave me a side hug. (Now this is the awkward but funny part.) At first I started to give him one back, which is the normal reaction, but then I thought, "Mmm, maybe this isn't okay...he is my professor after all." So I pulled my arm back and folded it around myself, giving myself the hug. However, when he pulled away, we realized that in retracting my arm, I had accidentally folded his suit jacket corner into my arms.
It was a very interesting moment.
It was a very interesting day.
It was a very hard day.
I'm ready to go home.