It's been a month now...so why isn't the pain any better? Your own son has accepted your death better than I have. Why does it still bring tears to my eyes some days?
I guess it's because there are years of memories that suddenly disappeared that morning you went to heaven. Dallas has almost twenty-two years of memories to look back on and smile about...I have an empty shelf. All those memories have been transferred to the "what if" section.
I'm trying to be a big girl and not focus on all those what ifs and can't haves. I want you in my life...I want you back because I never really felt like I'd gotten to the point where I felt like we were a part of each other's family. I've heard so many people claim me as family and tell me that I was a daughter to you, but I wish I could have heard you say it.
I'll work on being patient. I promise. There are a lot of things I keep promising you. God, give me the strength to keep these promises.
Until next time Mom.